


I Will be Right Here

by Artdefines06



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Autism, Autistic Katsuki Yuuri, Comedy, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Serious, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Wingman Phichit Chulanont, honestly no one is angsty except Yuuri, self directed angst, swings back and forth between the two because that how life works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artdefines06/pseuds/Artdefines06
Summary: Yuuri struggles with Autism, Anxiety, and being an Introvert. He has found a sport that he can excel in, even as he struggles to connect to his peers. When a new student joins their class they meet over the winter break and sparks fly. Will Victor have the patience to understand the puzzle that is Katsuki Yuuri? Will Yuuri even give him a chance, or will he decide having to make a new friend is not worth the possible difficulties?This was meant to be a cute drabble and turned into a love letter to my fellow folks who struggle to fit in, function, and  communicate day to day, and to the people who support us unconditionally.





	1. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Working the Front Register

**The Wink**

In the brutal Chicago winter the front register of GP University's off campus cafe was the coldest place in the whole building. Despite the fact that it was insulated with warm oak floors and double pane floor to ceiling windows, the wind that blew in from the front door would carry snow nearly to the register itself. The sandwich counter was sheltered since it was further inside, but often one would end up with a cold right arm and warm left arm. It wasn’t that Yuuri particularly disliked taking orders at the cafe’s front register, but the polarity of being two different temperatures at once genuinely made him uncomfortable. One would think his discomfort was due to the of the large amount of customer interaction required, but Yuuri had realized a long time ago that some forms of interaction were unavoidable. He prefered the fairly scripted and predictable interactions at the register to guessing at what inane responses people wanted from him during small talk in the lunchroom.

Peeling garlic was his favorite job in the whole cafe. He garnered immense satisfaction in removing each piece of skin by hand, and watching his pile of wispy skin shavings grow. Washing dishes was his least favorite. The gobs of slimy food and the cold sitting water made him retch - he actually could not do it.

If someone were to ask him where working the register ranked on the list of every possible activity at GP University’s off campus cafe Yuuri would be happy to go through the whole list and detail what he liked and disliked about each position; at this point everyone knew not to ask.

Of course there were different forms of working the register. Working it at night when there were only a few students left doing homework and sipping coffee quietly rated higher than working it during the lunch rush. Whoever was working the register next to Yuuri also moved the job up and down a few spaces. Working next to Phichit would move it up because Phichit worked much faster and so the line would go down quickly and no one became impatient. Working next to Seung-Gil was the worst because the man’s silence and deadpan attitude made the customers annoyed, and made Yuuri nervous, which meant that he made more mistakes, and the whole afternoon would tank. Luckily he and Seung-Gil had been banned from working the register together at the same time ever again.

Right now was a strange situation, and Yuuri would have to find time later to rework his list to decide where it placed. He was working the register alone. On a Monday evening. The week before christmas. Several employees were on vacation, and two from today’s shift had called out sick leaving the team extremely short handed. When the first few customers came in everyone had been otherwise engaged filling in to go orders or baking, so Yuuri though he would be helpful by handling the register for a few minutes until Yuuko came out of the office to tell him what he should be doing. Now there were at least six customers in line and more walking in the door, and Yuuri found himself taking deep breaths and focusing on his routine so he doesn’t get overwhelmed.

 Step 1: Smile and greet the customer with the standard greeting “Hello what can I get for you today”. Be prepared for the customer to interrupt you halfway through your sentence if they are in a hurry. _Do not_ begin your sentence over and over again in case they didn’t hear you. Focus on what they are saying instead.

If they immediately start telling you their order, input it into the register. All other questions can wait until after they have ordered.

If they are uncertain, wait in silence while they consider their options. Only answer questions that are asked out loud. _Do not_ go through the entire menu one item at a time discussing the merits of each combination.

Step 2: Ask if the customer has a benefits card. If they do not, ask if they would like to sign up. _Do not_ get annoyed when they say no, no matter how many points they would accrue with their purchase.

Step 3: Hand the customer a number, and try to remember what the customer looks like in case they do not respond to their number. For example, black hair red shirt. Luckily most of the customers were students at their university, and by end of the year Yuuri was familiar with everyone in his own way. For example, the girl who’s earrings always matched her top. Short guy who always wears headphones playing rap too loudly. Crooked eyeliner and too much blush. Phichit or Leo always laughed and looked for someone matching that description. Others would give him shocked looks or roll their eyes and force Yuuri to deliver the food on his own. Either one worked for him.

 Yuuri finally finished with the last customer and was just about to make his escape from the front when he heard the door swing open once more. In walked a pair of expensive looking Italian leather dress shoes. Certainly not a student. GP University was a private sports oriented college and most of the student athletes would only wear formal clothing when they were forced to at graduation. Upon entering the warmth of the cafe the customer peeled off his tailored wool overcoat and revealed a slim torso with broad shoulders. Despite the black dress pants and light grey dress shirt the customer could be an athlete with that body. As the man finally stepped in front of the counter Yuuri looked up to check the hair color so he could make note of it - and was stopped dead by the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Yuuri rarely looked into someone’s eyes. It was tantamount to torture if he was forced too, and a big damn compliment if he did it on purpose because it took actual effort on his part to maintain eye contact with someone. This man’s eyes however were so different to anything he had ever seen that he couldn’t help but gaze into them. The lightest parts were the greyish blue that ice became when a lake froze over and could be skated on. The darkest blue reminded him of the ocean in his hometown in Japan. There were at least eight other blues between those colors, including a cyan that Yuuri was sure he had seen on television the other day, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what show it was. Maybe the weather girls top on the morning news? Or the car that drove through the background of that Cola commercial? Maybe it hadn’t been yesterday, maybe it was the day before…

The man in front of him cleared his throat, snapping Yuuri back to the present.

“If you like you could take a picture, it would last longer”

He could! If Yuuri had a photo he could take it home and look the colors up online so he had names for them all. He reached for his phone when he remembered Phichit explaining that this particular phrase was in fact sarcasm, and no one actually meant that he could take a picture. Yuuri tried to hide his disappointment and moved his gaze to the top right of his monitor. There was a small red dot he had put there to help him focus on so he didn’t look all over the room while taking orders. Just go through the routine and don’t get distracted by beautiful eyes.

“Hello, what can I get for you today?”

“Is this cafe affiliated with the university across the street?”

Yuuri blinked. That wasn’t a food order. It was a question. A question delivered in a voice with a Russian accent that should have sounded harsh but was warm and smooth like honey. Luckily, Yuuri knew the answer to the question and delivered the facts while he replayed the customer's voice in his head over and over and over...

“Yes. The cafe used to be located on campus, but a wealthy alumni wanted a pool built in his name, so they tore out the cafe and put in a third pool, which will now hold classes for children in the community for free in the summer. The students were upset that there was no more cafe and petitioned for a new one so the Headmaster had to buy this building, which used to be a car garage. Sometimes when we open in the morning it still smells like oil and gasoline, but if we leave the windows open the smell goes away quickly.”

Yuuri abruptly stopped talking. Was that too much information? That was probably too much information. He could feel the tension mounting in his shoulders.  

“That is interesting. I was wondering why there were three pools. Everything makes sense now, thank you.”

Yuuri relaxed a bit and allowed his eyes to flick back over to the other man. Often he could look at people’s facial features and it gave the illusion that he was looking at their eyes. He didn’t want to seem rude to this nice Russian man with a voice like honey and beautiful blue eyes. So instead of staring safely at his red dot Yuuri looked at the space between the other man's eyes. Immediately he was led on a journey down a delicate pointed nose to wide lips that were so smooth and moisturized they were slightly shiny. Was he wearing lip balm? As Yuuri studied at the man’s smooth shiny lips they slowly curled up into a smile. It was a great smile. Kind and happy. Yuuri felt a similar smile form on his own face.

Then the throat clearing started again. Whoops.

“Sorry sir! What can I get for you today?”

“Hmmm, what’s your favorite thing on the menu?”

“The summer salad with strawberries and cashews”

“Ok, I’ll take that”

“It’s December, we don’t make that right now. We only make that in the summer”

Yuuri wanted to strangle himself. Why was he like this? He knew why he was like this, and could give a fully detailed and scientific explanations of Autism and Introversion and Anxiety, but for now he would just be content to not completely embarrass himself in front of the man with the bluest eyes and voice like honey and smooth shiny lips.

The man just laughed. Did he find Yuuri’s distress funny? Yuuri could feel his face turning red and was a split second from giving up on this conversation all together and taking his apron off and going home to hide under his bedsheets. Unfortunately blue eyes had more questions.

“What would you recommend that has the highest protein and lowest fat? I haven’t been able to work out for a few days, so I should probably think about what I’m eating.”

Ok. This was a good question. He could work with this.

“The tuna sandwich has the lowest numbers across the board. We can toss the ingredients in a salad, or make the sandwich with our special high fiber whole wheat bread that we bake here. It was formulated and approved by our coaches so the students wouldn’t feel guilty eating bread.”

“Alright then, I’ll have the sandwich, and a cold smart-water.”

The rest of the transaction proceeded without disaster, until the final steps. Yuuri placed the man’s number on the counter and asked for his name. It felt invasive somehow, knowing this man’s name, like Yuuri didn’t deserve to know it. He couldn’t help it if his voice trembled a bit when asking.

There was silence for a second, and Yuuri found himself looking over at the man to know why he wasn't answering. Once again Yuuri was staring at soft lips that formed the words “Victor, Victor Nikiforov” The lips closed, smiled a little, then re-opened to ask. “And your name is?”

Yuuri looked up into the bluest eyes ever, shocked, and practically yelled out his name. He watched the eyes sparkle as he felt himself turn red once more. Then Victor smiled again (with his eyes! How does a person even do that!) and sent Yuuri to his grave with six small words, delivered in what could only be described as a bedroom voice.

“I’ll see you later then, Yuuri”

Then Victor winked. At him. Yuuri was glad, for once, that he had been looking at someone’s eyes, because otherwise he might have missed the wink, which was the single most sexual thing he had ever seen. On the other hand, if he had not seen the wink he would still be alive right now, and that would be nice too.

Victor picked up his number and walked to a table to await his order. Yuuri turned around, walked straight through the kitchen and out the door to the back alley, sunk down against the wall till he was curled up on the floor, and began to cry.

If someone had asked him why he was crying, he couldn’t have told them. He was still there when Yuuko came looking for him. His eyes squeezed shut as he replayed the conversation over and over, imagining the hundreds of things he should have done differently. Things he could have done better. He was still there when Phichit came to pick him up, called by a worried Yuuko.

 

**It's later, where are you?**

Victor waltzed into the cafe on Tuesday whistling. He had a splendid day touring the school and meeting the teachers in the ice skating program and was very much looking forward to flirting with the cute blushing cashier from last night again. When he did indeed transfer to this school next year he would be able to improve as a skater AND possibly have a relationship and that was the best news he had in years.

Immediately he was disappointed to see there was a different cashier at the front, a younger boy with soft brown hair and freckles, and a nametag that said “Guang Hong”. Strange, why hadn’t Yuuri been wearing a nametag? Looking around he noticed the redhead working behind the sandwich counter had a nametag as well, “Mila”. Maybe he had just forgotten it that day.

“Hello what can I get for you today”

Victor was tempted to say that he wanted Yuuri, and had contemplated saying that straight to Yuuri himself, but would save that for another day. He didn’t want to draw a third party into their flirting. Especially not a young boy. Instead he just ordered the tuna again, took his number, and asked if Yuuri was working. Guang Hong looked surprised at the request, but happily stated he would go get him, asking Mila to watch the front and practically bouncing back into the kitchen. Victor caught a short glimpse of Yuuri holding a large tray for another co-worker while sandwiches were being stacked on it, possibly for a catering order. He smiled and waved as the door swung closed on him, and just caught the widening of the other man's eyes as he heard the platter crash to the ground behind the closed door. There was muffled cursing and yelling as Victor slipped away to his table in the back, feeling secretly pleased at Yuuri’s reaction.

The pleasure gave way to irritation when Guang Hong delivered his sandwich with a quiet “Yuuri is busy, sorry”, before he hurried away. How long did it take to clean up some sandwiches and come say hello? Didn’t Yuuri want to see him? He could tell the other man had been interested; people didn’t stare at other people’s lips without being interested in them. Victor ate his sandwich without tasting it; he hadn’t come here for the sandwich.

When he was done eating Mila came to pick up his empty tray. Victor asked again about Yuuri. It had been nearly forty minutes and Victor was worried he had gotten the man in trouble. She hesitated, but told him the truth. “Yuuri doesn’t want to see you right now. It’s probably better if you just go home.”

Victor was struck dumb. “Really?”

Mila looked at him pityingly. “Definitely. He won’t even leave the kitchen, and when he gets stubborn like this nothing can change his mind. Trust me, you’re just wasting your time waiting.”

He had never been outright rejected before. He was so certain the attraction had been mutual. Maybe that wasn’t enough…

Mila must have noticed the look on his face, because she reached out and patted his arm.

“Don’t let it get you down, you aren’t the first person to be locked out from knowing our Yuuri, and you won’t be the last. It’s just how he is. Don’t let it stop you from coming in though. The rest of us will be nice to you, and he’ll get over it eventually. This is the only remotely healthy place to eat in the whole neighborhood, and you can’t beat the student discount.”

Victor nodded, and she walked away. He sat there and thought about what she said for a few minutes, then collected his things and walked up toward the front. She was making a sandwich and Guang Hong was blending a smoothie. They worked in companionable silence. He just had one question for them.

“Is it worth it? Getting to know him?”

Guang Hong looked confused for a second, but then smiled the brightest smile. “Yuuri is the best!”

Mila’s smile was smaller, more knowing, but she agreed. “We aren’t super close to him, but he’s always there for us when we need help, and he works harder than anyone I know, and he deserves the world.”

Victor let their words settle in him and took a deep cleansing breath, brushing off the hurt.

“Tell him I’ll see him tomorrow then”.

They giggled and nodded, wishing him luck, and Victor walked home with a lot on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been struggling with my other fic, Victor on Ice, which was really stumping me. I decided the reason was that I had not paid my dues to the trans-formative works gods and goddesses and had to write a sappy, trope filled cafe AU as sacrifice. I initially decided on the 5+1 format because I loved the idea of neurotypical Victor trying to flirt with Autistic Yuuri and failing. It was funny to me. I personally have these experiences, and have several other friends on the spectrum and after we are done crying we are able to laugh about it together. 
> 
> As I was writing the short format for 5+1 wasn't doing it for me. It felt too abrupt to cover the struggles of constantly wondering if you are reading people right, or if you are giving the responses they expect. Then I started writing in side characters and how they viewed Yuuri, and how Yuuri responded to the world around him, and it turned into this 24 page monster that I absolutely adore. 
> 
> I want more ASD Yuuri fics pls, there used to be so many around episodes 3/4, then they disappeared. Episode 12 rekindled my love for him when he casually pushed Victor's hair aside to see what he looked like crying. I will fight for this headcannon lol.
> 
> Quick Note: the only people who are aware of Yuuri's diagnoses in this fic are Yuuko, Phichet, and some of his teachers/counselors. He keeps it close to his chest, deciding that it ins't anyone else's business. Some people might notice and suspect, and they all react to it differently. People who aren't educated about characteristics of developmental disorders generally don't even think someone could be interpreting the world differently than they do, so for someone who can hide their symptoms pretty well like Yuuri it is easy to fly under the radar, but hard to fit in.


	2. Introspection and Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking to others is always a good way to understand a strange situation better. Victor gets to meet some of the other skaters, and Phichit is the best friend ever.

**Betrayal and Confidences**

Yuuri had been betrayed. Yes, it was in a good way that was probably for the best, but it was betrayal nonetheless. Phichit was clearly the mastermind, but Yuuri had the sneaking suspicion that none of his co-workers were as innocent as they were pretending to be. One day he would find out who told Phichit about Victor but until then he would plot revenge against all of them, just in case. For now he was trapped in the front making sandwich and smoothies with Phichit working the registers, making sure he can’t run away. Not that he would have anywhere to run too; his co-workers had banned him from the kitchen that night.

He had been sitting on his computer that morning, listening to music for next years pieces, when he heard the knocking on his door. Normally he would have had both earbuds in and been dead to the world, but since his roommate was home he only had had the right one in, just in case Phichit needed him. That was the agreement they came to after the first few meltdowns. Phichit would knock instead of barging in uninvited, and Yuuri would make an effort to not ignore him unless he really needed the alone time. Their friendship was the most surprising and unexpected thing on campus, and no one truly understood how much work went into their day to day communication, or the amount of trust required to get past every little difficulty. Yuuri never stopped being grateful for Phichit though, even on the days he hated him.

Yuuri turned off his monitor, made sure his room was presentable (It was always immaculate, but he checked anyway) and opened the door to a grinning roommate. Phichit looked like the proverbial cat that had eaten the canary. He only got that look when he had a really juicy piece of gossip. Yuuri settled himself on the bed ready to be talked at for however long it took the other boy to tell him whatever scandalous story he had dug up. He thought longingly about the playlist waiting for him on his computer, but he owed Phichit for picking him up Monday when he was in shock, and for not seeing him last night in lieu of skating until security kicked him out of the rink at one in the morning.

Phichit sat on the bed across from him, smiled wider than Yuuri had ever seen before, and cheerfully asked,

“Sooooooooo, who’s Victor Nikiforov?”

Yuuri made sure to keep his face blank while he shrugged. “I don’t know, who is he?” Yuuri had spent hours last night skating so that he could get Victor out of his system, and it had worked. Mostly. Enough so that he could probably go to work again.

“Oh no you don’t. I’ve heard from three different sources today about you and Victor. One person told me you two were flirting on Monday at the cafe, and that the sexual tension was so thick he could cut it with a knife. Which explains a lot. I wasn’t buying the whole ‘I had to work the register by myself’ excuse, you can handle the register just fine. Then I hear that you holed up in the kitchen when he came in yesterday specifically asking to see you! What happened?”

Yuuri shrugged again. Shrugging was good, very blasé. There was a small thread sticking up from his comforter and he began rolling it back and forth between his fingers like a lifeline. The feeling settled him a little and he found words that didn’t make him seem pathetic.

“I really don’t know who he is. We didn’t talk much. He’s probably just some stranger off the street with a minor fixation on me. No big deal”

Phichit interrupted him. “Are you kidding me? You don’t know! He’s a transfer student from Russia. He’s a skater Yuuri. He will be our classes next year, and we will be performing with him and competing against him. I looked him up and he’s super talented and extremely attractive and apparently he likes you! This could be your hot college romance Yuuri!”

Phichit’s voice had become several decibels louder and his arms were waving around while he bounced on the bed. Yuuri was starting to get overwhelmed. If this was anyone else Yuuri would be out the door and halfway to the ice rink by now. This was his best friend though, so he reached out to stop the other boys bouncing and gently asked him to please calm down. To his credit Phichit immediately understood and put on his serious face, silently waiting for Yuuri to gather his words and answer him.

“I didn’t know that he was a student, but I suspected. He does have the body, ” Phichit’s eyes lit up and his mouth opened to speak but Yuuri held up a hand to stop him. “It doesn't matter though. If anything that is just more reason not to get involved. It will be senior year and I’m sure neither one of us need the distraction.”

“So, you’re saying you find him distracting?”

Yuuri rolled his eyes, but indulged his friend with a detailed description of what Victor had been like up close.

“Any pictures you saw don’t do him justice. He is absolutely breathtaking, and his voice…” He shook his head “That doesn’t change the fact that it has taken me three years to get comfortable with you, and for you to put up with me. You know how distressing it is for me to make new friends. I really don’t think it’s worth it. It’s much easier to just ignore him until he gives up. They all do eventually.”

Phichit pulled out his phone and opened the notes app, which Yuuri could see had several bullet points with lots of text. His friend knew him too well, and had come prepared.

“Logic time Yuuri! You’re right. The people who aren’t interested in putting effort into a relationship get turned off, but they are mostly jerks anyway. But are you going to sit there and tell me that the people who are willing to work with you and be your friend haven’t added good things to your life? I can promise you as someone who does put up with a lot of your, um, quirks, that you are worth the time and effort. Any good relationship needs compromise. Also, no one is saying you have to marry the guy. Maybe just enjoy a few dates, get laid, and move on with your life. If it doesn’t work out you can at least have a new friend. This is a little selfish of me, but it would be nice if you had someone else on campus other than me and Yuuko for you to call when there was a problem. Someone who knew how to calm you down and help you. There might be a time one of us isn’t available you know? Lastly, and most importantly, Victor is really super sexy and you deserve to get some before you graduate.”

Yuuri had tucked his face and hands into his knees during Phichit’s speech, concentrating hard on his words. Even the last bit, which was probably meant as a joke but still had some truth in it. His friend, as always, had solid logic. Yuuri could only find one flaw, and he almost didn’t want to voice it and give it life.

Into his knees, he mumbled. “What if he isn’t as nice as he seems?”

Phichit sighed. “Well, you won’t know if he is a decent human being or not until you get to know him better, will you? If he’s not, just do what you do with all the other skaters you don’t like. Congratulate them on their silver medal from the top of the podium”.

They had spent two more hours laughing and crying about the situation, and searching the internet for every article, picture, and video they could find of the Russian skater so that Yuuri would feel more comfortable around him next time.

**A Man of Many Forms and Faces**

As Victor walked to the cafe for the third night in a row, he was very conflicted. He had just spent the last few hours at his first “GP Official Figure Skaters Club” meeting. To say he was disappointed was an understatement. There had only been five people in attendance, just enough to hold the cabinet positions. The president, Jean Jack Leroy, or “JJ”, had made sure to sit on a desk so he was higher up than everyone in an obvious power play that was entirely unnecessary. JJ spent the first half hour telling Victor about his personal accomplishments, how great their club was, and why the school benefited from having them as students. The vice president Yuri Plisetsky then spent the next half hour contradicting those words by insulting the school, his teachers, his fellow students, and JJ in particular; all while sitting in the lap of another man who introduced himself as Otabek and didn’t speak a word the entire meeting. The secretary, Georgi, claimed that the notes from previous meetings were in his ex’s apartment and he wouldn’t go over there to get them, so there was a 20 minute debate as to who should go collect his things. The duty fell to Christophe, the treasurer, whom they all agreed could charm her best and therefore escape unscathed. Christophe sat directly next to Victor the whole meeting, and would brush against him everytime he would reach over to pick up the pencil he kept “accidentally” dropping. Each time he would look at victor with half lidded eyes and apologize in a deep, overly husky voice. Eventually Victor got up to use the restroom just so he could return and sit in a different seat.  

Finally everyone put their skates on and showed off, and at least they were all honestly talented. Victor enjoyed that they all shared tips and seemed to want to help each other improve. The second half of the meeting went much faster than the first half, and they were sweating and tired and starving afterwards. Christophe invited Victor out to a private dinner at his apartment, which Victor firmly declined. Everyone seemed to have their own separate plans for dinner and were saying goodbye, ready to disperse. As off-handedly as he could manage, Victor asked if anyone ever went to the cafe off campus. He was met with groans and laughter. JJ explained the reaction.

“Figure skating is the most expensive of all the sports here, so we get priority for the work study program. Pretty much the entire student body of skaters are employed in the bookstore or the cafe. We all just transferred to the bookstore this year because we couldn’t stand the cafe any more.”

“Or the people who worked there” was the grumbled addition from Yuri, who was shoving his skates into his leopard print bag.

Interesting. Victor’s curiosity won over his decency, and he had to ask. “Do you guys know Yuuri Katsuki. He works at the cafe. Japanese, black hair, glasses...” He trailed off because everyone was staring at him with open mouths.

“Are you joking? What kind of fucking idiot are you? Of course we know Katsuki. Go look at the damn display cases in the lobby and then ask again if we know Yuuri fucking Katsuki!” Plisetsky was was somehow in Victor’s face, despite being so much shorter. Then he spun around, grabbed his bag and Otabek’s arm in one movement, and dragged his friend out the door. Otabek just shrugged and smiled over his shoulder, and then it was quiet.

The other guys just smiled and shook their heads indulgently at his antics. “You will have to excuse him, Yuri’s mad because he’ll only be a junior, and this is his last year to beat all of us who are graduating. He’s right though, you should come look at the trophies and see what you are up against.” They all picked up their bags and began walking to the lobby. “We can’t compete as much as we would like, but we have two major competitions a year at the beginning of August and November, along with several performance exhibitions to help raise money for the program. The Crispino’s are the head of the events chair, and have their own team that helps them promote and organize everything. They will probably corner you for photos and articles at some point, so be ready.”

They reached the lobby, which stretched across the entire front of the impressively large rink. JJ continued his tour. “The west wall by the stairs is for the speed skaters, since they don’t need much room. The hockey teams have their own museum on the other side of campus, so there isn’t anything here for them. North wall is pairs, and south wall is singles. We keep four years worth of awards up at all times that way you can track a skaters entire career while they are here. The first years get to clean and organize the display cases, and right now they are led by a kid named Minami, who is ruthlessly organized and is a Yuuri Katsuki fanatic. You will notice that his trophies are polished and are placed more neatly than all the others.”

Care had certainly been put into each case. Black velvet lined the back of each display and small lights were angled just right so that everything shone brightly. Each trophy sat in its rightful place on a faux podium, with a photo of the skater performing the winning program behind it. The one they were closest to was the most recent, and Yuuri had won gold. His hair was slicked back and his glasses were off, and he looked like a completely different person. Bold, confident, graceful; this Yuuri knew he was the most beautiful thing on the ice. Victor could tell he was the clear winner just from a photo. Walking down the line of cases, going backward through time, he could see Yuuri at the top of each podium, with the others always below him.

All the way down at the end were the two cases from their first year, and they told very different stories. The first case would have been the August performance, and Yuuri was not there at all. There was a younger JJ in first, Christophe in second, and the aforementioned Michele Crispino in third. There was a list of competitors, and next to Yuuri’s name was a star and the words ‘disqualified: no show’.

The next case was the December performance, and Yuuri was in first place, in a shockingly familiar outfit. Suddenly, everything made sense to him. Victor knew every second of this performance inside and out, he had watched it dozens of times two years ago when it appeared on the internet. Victor had discovered it and traced it back to this school. His parents and coaches were baffled as to why he would want to leave Russia to go study in Michigan of all places, but Victor was determined to learn to skate in a place that could produce such otherworldly beauty. He had assumed that student had long since graduated, and hadn’t watched the video recently since he had been busy gathering the grades, money, and recommendations necessary to transfer and move to America. The blushing, staring, rambling boy from behind the register was the same siren that drew Victor to cross an ocean.

“Why didn't he perform in the first competition?”

JJ shrugged. “No one paid much attention to him back then, so no one really knows. He was a member of the club, but he always sat in the corner and kept to himself. There were a few skaters he would exchange hellos with, but it kinda looked like we were forcing him to speak to us if we tried to talk to him during practice. Eventually even the hello’s stopped. Then he just didn’t show up to the comp. Stopped attending club meetings, signed up for as many online classes as the school would let him take. We didn’t see him for months, just his name on the sign in sheet at weird hours for practice time on the rink. Then he showed up in December and beat me by 12 points. We were all floored. Who knew he had it in him?”

At this point Christophe cut in. “I knew! I used to tell him how good he looked during practice all the time, and he would turn away from me and skate to the other side of the rink! Never saw someone so determined not to make friends. I swear to you he crosses the street when he sees me walking on campus so that he doesn’t have to speak to me, and I never tried to be anything but nice to him. He’s an ice diva, always has been. Every year when he first performs there is a new fan club that pops us, and he refuses to interact with them, even tells them to stop. So they fizzle away. He would have the world if he could just be bothered to interact with us lowly mortals.”

Georgi snorted “You are just jealous because he would rather spend time with Phichit than you. Admit it.”

“Of course I am! What does that Thai fashion disaster have that I don’t? He’s a skinny nobody who can’t even get on the podium. Yuuri’s only with him because he doesn’t pose a threat.”

“Yuuri’s not _with_ him - if he was you would think he could at least say good luck to his boyfriend before a competition. He ignores him then just as much as he ignores us. I don’t believe it.”

They continued to bicker while JJ put his arm around Victor. “The point in all this Victor, is that Yuuri doesn’t talk to anyone - he just shows up, wins, and leaves the second the medal ceremony is over. This year we intend to end his reign. You with us?”

Victor made a vague noise of agreement, which was met with cheers. After turning down another private invitation back to Christophe’s place for dinner (he highly doubted dinner would have been involved) Victor realized it was time for his nightly foray to the cafe. Who would he find there tonight? There were so many versions of Yuuri floating around, and Victor couldn't make them coalesce into a solid person.


	3. Dinner Dates and Mixed Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is there a single first date in the history of the world that wasn't awkward? Poor Victor is still clueless, Phichet is still MVP, and Yuuri is still in a daze that this is even happening.

Seven pm was fast approaching and comfortable was not the word Yuuri would use to describe himself. He had been putting together orders for two hours straight now and the ingredients were starting to swim in front of his eyes. For some reason everyone decided they wanted mustard on everything tonight and the smell of it was starting to make him nauseous. To top it off he was wearing a new shirt and something was scratching between his shoulderblades, even though he had thoroughly removed the tag earlier. There wasn’t much to be done about any of it though. The dinner rush had just finished, which meant any minute now Victor would be walking through the door. Phichit must have sensed his unease because he went over to the sound system and switched tapes. Yuuri heard the opening words from “Shall We Skate!” play over the loudspeakers and began laughing. This movie, and especially this song, never failed to cheer him up with it’s ridiculousness. Phichit began singing along and Yuuri doubled over in laughter, completely forgetting why he was worried in the first place. Thank goodness for friends.

When Victor walked into the cafe he was greeted with the sight of Yuuri laughing with his head thrown back, throat bared, and arms wrapped around himself. The source of his amusement seemed to be a another man with dark skin and winged eyeliner pantomiming a song with dramatic thai-inspired arm and head movements. That must be Phichit. Victor removed his coat and hung it near the door while he watched Yuuri wiping happy tears from his eyes and gulping for breath. This Yuuri looked relaxed and open, and had a smile that would make angels weep. Cautiously he approached the register, drawn in by the Japanese man's beauty but also not wanting to disturb the moment. Phichit noticed him first, and began to say the standard greeting.

“Hello! What can we get for you... to...d..a..y…” With wide eyes and a fixed smile he reached over and pulled Yuuri in front of the register, excusing himself to the sandwich bar. Yuuri looked around for a second, confused as to why their playing had stopped, until his eyes finally settled on Victor. Simultaneously his smile turned into a soft O shape and his pupils dilated while they cataloged every piece of Victor one body part at a time, eventually settling on his chest and staying there. 

Well, at least he had lust on his side. It seemed he would need everything in his arsenal to get Yuuri to open up to him. As nice as it was to be appreciated he didn’t want to just stand there all night. He was hungry after all. 

“My eyes are up here, you know.” 

Yuuri jumped back several inches, then began apologizing while looking around wildly and waving his arms. Victor laughed.

“It’s ok, I certainly don’t mind, but maybe I can order first? Then you can resume looking however long you want.”

The blush that rose to Yuuri’s face was precious and Victor wanted to kiss it away. 

“What can I get for you today?” The line was whispered down at the counter. Victor was having too much fun with this. 

“I want lots of things from you, but we can start with a bowl of the chicken and wild rice soup.” 

Yuuri just nodded and concentrated on finishing the transaction without messing anything up. When they were finished and Victor received his number, he had one more question. 

“What time is your dinner break?”

“I can take it anytime between seven and eight.”

“Great, I’ll be sitting in the back right corner.”

As Yuuri watched Victor walk away he was confused as to what him taking a break would have to do with where the other man was sitting, but he didn’t want to overanalyze it. Maybe Victor just wanted to know what time to expect him back out, so he could say goodbye when he left? He helped Phichit put together the remaining orders in silence. When Phichit turned to him and handed him a tray with Victor’s soup and a warm quinoa salad with edamame & tarragon, Yuuri asked who the salad was for. 

“The salad is for you. You are going to take your break right now, and sit with Victor and get to know him better. Remember the entire discussion we had about finding out if he’s a nice guy? No time like the present! Feel free to share the salad.” With that his friend (or traitor, Yuuri hadn’t decided yet) carefully turned Yuuri around and steered him out onto the floor.

 

Victor was delighted to see Yuuri weaving through the tables of customers with two meals on his tray. The soup was placed in front of him, and then Yuuri just stood in front of the other chair at the table, looking at the chair angrily like it was his mortal enemy. Victor waited a second, but nothing happened. He was so busy waiting for some movement that he almost missed the quiet inquiry.

“May I sit with you?” 

Yuuri said it like he already knew the answer was no, with shoulders hunched and head bowed. Victor was confused. Hadn’t he made it clear that he wanted to eat together?

“Of course, please, sit. I want nothing more than to sit and talk to you.” 

Yuuri finally sat and arranged his things, but he still didn’t look comfortable, or happy. Victor began to eat while frantically trying to think of something to talk about that isn’t skating or the school. When he looked up again to speak he found Yuuri was staring longingly at his chest again. Victor chuckled, low and deep, and couldn't resist the urge to tease again. 

“See something you like?” He could be a bit more risque now that they are alone at a table tucked in the corner. To his surprise Yuuri nodded absently. The moment he realized what he had done he began a long string of contradictions. Yes, no, I mean of course, but I wasn’t trying to be weird. Victor just looked at him fondly while he continued to explain himself deeper into a hole. In the end Yuuri admitted the truth. “Your shirt looks really soft and I want to touch it because I have never seen anything like it, I’m sorry”. His head was in his hands and he had turned tomato red again. Victor didn’t think he would ever get tired of seeing Yuuri become flustered because of him. At the same time he wondered what it would take to get the confident sexy Yuuri from the display cases to come out to play. Only time would tell.

“My sweater is cashmere, have you ever worn cashmere?” Yuuri shook his head no. “You can touch it if you would like.” Victor had chosen this sweater tonight both for its warmth, and because it’s rich navy color brought out his eyes and contrasted nicely with his pale skin and platinum hair. If a three hundred dollar cashmere v-neck is what got Yuuri to touch him, he didn’t mind the cost at all. The man across from him timidly reached out a hand and touched one soft finger to Victor’s chest, right below his left collarbone. It began as more of a poke, but it wasn’t long before Yuuri was running his palm across the delicate fabric, up Victor’s chest and down his arm and back again. Victor had to use every ounce of willpower he possessed to not allow his eyes to roll into the back of his head from pleasure. The other man was watching his own hand on its journey, looking fascinatedly like there was a miracle occurring. Victor could only suck in deep breaths through his teeth as the torture continued, ending with Yuuri’s hand straying off the sweater onto Victor’s collarbone and up his neck. Quickly Victor reached up and gently removed Yuuri’s hand, holding it in his own.  Yuuri looked at their joined hands in shock, then finally up at Victor’s face, where he had not looked all night. Immediately his gaze snapped back down at the table and he pulled his hand away, tucking it into his lap. Victor waited for the inevitable apologies, but none came.

“Your sweater is very soft. Thank you.” Yuuri smiled slightly at the table top, like he was proud of himself. 

They spent the next twenty minutes eating their dinner and discussing fabrics and clothing of all things. The conversation was not forced or fake though, and Yuuri was full of interesting facts about the composition of different fabrics, and the history of where and when they were made. The only thing Victor did not like was that Yuuri had a habit of cutting himself off when he spoke more than a few sentences. Victor had to constantly tell him it was ok to continue, that he was interested in what he had to say. Luckily he knew a bit about cashmere, so he was able to provide Yuuri with some new facts, which brought the exact delighted smile to Yuuri’s face that Victor wanted to see more and more of.

All too soon their time was up, and Yuuri had to return to work. Victor was very interested in a real date, one with walking through the snow and getting to know each other. The question was how to go about getting one without coming off too forceful; the last thing he wanted was for Yuuri to retreat from him.

“So, do you have any plans tomorrow?   


“It’s my day off work, so I have to make progress getting my routines for next semester started. I’m still trying to pick music so I will be listening to music all morning and then spend the night at the rink messing around with different songs over the loudspeakers.”

Victor understood that skating was important to Yuuri, and didn’t want to interrupt the other man’s process. But he really wanted that date.

“What will you be doing for lunch”

“It’s leftover day at home, we have to eat all the food in the fridge before it molds, so that will be my lunch and dinner”

Had Victor really just been turned down in favor of microwaved leftovers? That was a first. Maybe letting Yuuri lead their interactions would be better. It would save his pride at least. 

“How about this - I’ll put my number in your phone, and you can call me if you ever want too?”

Yuuri looked a bit skeptical, but pulled his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and placed it gently on the table. Victor quickly snapped it up, overly interested in this peek into Yuuri’s personality. In his opinion you could tell a lot about a person from their phone, and thought he was an expert phone analyzer. Yuuri had no phone case, just a braided bit of yarn hanging from the edge that looked worn out and discolored from being touched too often. His background color was a close up photo of ice after it had been skated on all day, scratched up with lines and holes in it. Very aesthetically pleasing. The strangest thing about it was there were no icons, not even the ones along the bottom that Victor had thought were mandatory. He wanted to input his number but had no idea how to without the phone symbol being there. After staring at the background for a second perplexed Yuuri seemed to remember that his phone was different and quickly explained. 

“Oh, sorry, swipe to the right for the icons. I didn’t like the way they looked with my background. The factory design was really awful so I messed around with different rooting software until I could get the phone to look exactly how I wanted.”

Sure enough the icons on the next page were not the ones Victor was used to seeing on every phone he had ever looked at. They were all set in blue squares, and the blues ranged in a perfect gradient from light blue at the top to dark blue at the bottom. After a second of searching he found the phone symbol and was brought to the traditional contacts screen, but again all the text was blue. 

Victor had no idea what to think, other than knowing that Katsuki Yuuri was very unique indeed. 

 

Yuuri walked back to the kitchen in a daze. Phichit was waiting for him, taking the tray before it could drop and depositing his friend into the closest chair. 

“So, how did it go!”

“Um, I think it went really well.  He let me ramble about fabric, and I think he actually cared a little. He listened at least. He let me touch his shirt and I need to go buy some cashmere right now because it was so calming and warm. Also, I know we have said this a lot between the two of us, but he is so beautiful I nearly die when I look straight at him.  I want to do it more. I don’t think there has ever been anyone I have wanted to be able to look at so much in my life. Even more, I want him to look at me. I want to be looking at him while he looks at me to see what I look like to him. Does that even make sense? Is that why people make eye contact? It’s intense.”

Phichit laughed softly, and shook his head. “I promise you I never think about eye contact like that, it’s just second nature and not that deep, but it’s really kinda romantic when you put it that way. I’m glad you had fun, and he’s not a total monster. When is your next date?”

Yuuri could only gawk at his friend. “Next date? What do you mean. Was that something that should have happened now?”

“Well, yea? Most people make sure to set up a second date at the end of the first if they liked spending time together. Standard dating procedure.”

Yuuri’s hopes crumbled. “No, he just asked what I was doing tomorrow, but I guess my answer was too boring so he dropped the subject. Then he gave me his phone number so I could call him if I ever want to. I didn’t know how to tell him that was never going to happen since I cannot call anyone on the phone without hyperventilating, so I just smiled and walked away awkwardly.”

Phichit was staring at him like he had lost his mind. 

“OH MY GOD YUURI!” after several strangled noises and groans Phichit finally managed words. “Ok, I’m going to help you guys out here. He was asking what you were doing tomorrow to see if you wanted to hang out together. Clearly he’s bad at it though. Did you give him your number back?”

“No, he didn’t ask.”

“Give me your phone and follow me.”

Phichit led him over to the door that separated the kitchen from the front counter, and they peeked out until they could see Victor. He was staring down at the table dejectedly, swishing his soup around without eating it. Phichit hit send on a message and Yuuri’s phone dinged, followed by Victors phone lighting up a second later. When Victor looked at the message his whole face lit up, and he did the most adorable little dance in his seat, complete with raised arms and butt wiggling. They closed the door and Phichit smugly handed Yuuri’s phone back. The message was a simple one liner about how he enjoyed talking to him and here’s my number. Phichit was sneaky, but knew better than to take advantage of his friends trust. 

“There, see how ecstatic he is? He most definitely wants to see you again. I will be your wingman but I will not set up a date for you, you two have to figure that out on your own. Can I hug you? I really feel like this is a hugging moment.”

Yuuri thought about it for a second, and then noded. The hug was warm, and he could feel some of his stress released as energy into the hug, and it left him calmer.

“Now, I have a whole pile of garlic back here with your name on it.  Just sit here and de-stress. I’ll be right back. Gotta go take my break.”

With that Phichit walked off and Yuuri wondered if there was an honorary award for best friend ever. 

 

Victor was still staring at his phone and smiling stupidly when he heard the chair next to him scrape back. He was surprised to see Phichit sitting in the chair, happily devouring a giant sandwich. 

“Hello. Phichit right? I’m Victor. Can I help you?”

“No, but I can help you. See, you make Yuuri happy, and that makes me happy, but the thing is you have to talk to Yuuri a bit differently than you are used to. I’ve lived with the guy for three years, and had to learn a lot of this the hard way, so I’m saving you a ton of time here. 

One: You have to be direct with him. About everything. If you want to see him tomorrow you have to say. ‘I want to see you tomorrow, what time is good for you’, otherwise he will have no idea you want to meet. Don’t try to be smooth or subtle, it will get you nowhere fast. 

Two: Tell him how you are feeling. If you are mad, say you are mad. If you are happy, say you are happy. Then explain why. He will spend hours trying to figure out how you felt about something instead of asking. It’s easier to just tell him. 

Three: Ask him what he is thinking about. He tends to just stare out into the distance and forget he’s with someone. He either is thinking about something really cool and interesting, or he’s thinking terrible self destructive thoughts and needs to be stopped. So ask. I have never regretted hearing about what’s in his head. 

Lastly, don’t try to make every date new and interesting and exciting. Most of the time it’s better to just ask what he wants to do, or join him in what he’s already doing. He will probably enjoy just hanging out in his bedroom with you more than a theme park any day of the week. Keep it simple and you can’t go wrong. 

Victor just stared at him in shock, trying to process this large amount of information. Should he write this stuff down? Most of it seemed to boil down to large amounts of communication, so that shouldn’t be too hard to remember. 

“Just to make sure, what you are saying is ‘when in doubt, communicate?”

Phichit beamed. ‘Yea, I like that, thats a great way to put it. I think you will do just fine.” 

“What about when Yuuri doesn’t want to communicate? He spent yesterday in the kitchen avoiding me, and from what I hear it won’t be the only time that happens. What do I do then?”

Phichit turned quiet for a moment. “Yea, that’s a hard one. Sometimes he’s just going to need some alone time, other times you will have to batter down the door and force him to talk to you. I won’t lie, it can be frustrating. It gets better when he starts to trust that you will still be there no matter how bad the situation gets. At first I struggled to be his friend because I didn’t want to have to find a new roommate, then because it was like the ultimate friendship challenge, and then because I couldn’t imagine having anyone else as a best friend. Yuuri is really something special, and you will never meet anyone else like him. You just have to like him for who he is, not what you might want him to be.

Here, let’s trade numbers, and if you ever have any questions, or don’t know where he is, you can call me and I’ll try to help.”

The alarm on his phone reminded him that his break was over, so Phichit collected his trash and took off with a cheerful “Good luck, don’t hurt him or I’ll break your legs!”, leaving Victor to his thoughts. 

Yuuri hadn’t returned to the front, so Victor sent a quick text saying goodbye and wishing him a nice night, and went home to plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor's Sweater https://www.amazon.com/Vince-Cashmere-Sleeve-V-Neck-Black/dp/B01DX9HUB6/  
> It looks soooo soft. Seriously though, if you have never stroked expensive cashmere go do it. It's the best thing. 
> 
> I switched a paragraph out of last chapter and put it here, so if you get a weird sense of deja vu that's why. New readers won't even notice though, so that's a plus. 
> 
> Also, I'm on tumblr if you want to be my friend! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/artdefines06


	4. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Victor have a much needed conversation, and it determines the course of their relationship for the next year.

Yuuri was just finishing loading songs onto a playlist when his phone started vibrating on the desk. The very sound of protracted buzzing and rattling felt like lead in his stomach, but when the name “Victor” popped up on the screen his whole body went numb. He wanted to answer the call, but couldn’t raise his hand to pick up the small piece of technology. He was too busy trying to manage his breathing, which had become short and rapid. His arm started shaking, caught in the battle between wanting to reach out and being afraid of what could go wrong. What would he say when he picked up. Hello? Hi? Hey Victor? They all sounded inadequate. What would Victor want? Would his voice be light and carefree or low and flirty? Would Yuuri be able to match his tone and mood? How long would he want to talk? Would Yuuri be late to the rink?

The phone had stopped vibrating, and Yuuri took a breath. It was too late, the choice had been made for him. Now he didn’t have to answer. As he collected himself the guilt began to set in. This was why he was such a bad friend. He couldn’t even answer a phone call. What if it had been an emergency? Maybe Victor was lying somewhere injured and only had Yuuri’s number because he was new to the school. The phone buzzed once more, indicating a message had been left. Yuuri jumped forward and grabbed his phone, hitting the voicemail button faster than he has ever bothered to in his life.

“Hi Yuuri! I wanted to spend some time with you today or tomorrow, preferably without a counter between us. I have no other plans, so let me know what time is good for you, and I will meet you wherever. Perhaps you could show me your favorite spots in the neighborhood? Or we could see a movie? Anything really, so long as we get to speak more. I very much enjoy our conversations. I will just be here, moping in my room, bored (there was a sigh and the sound of Victor flinging himself onto his bed) waiting to hear from you! Da skorava!  À bientôt! See you soon! Call me!”

The message ended, and Yuuri hit replay. Again. And again. And again. His favorite part was the end, where Victor asked to see him in three different languages. He wanted to edit that part out and keep it on repeat in his mind where it could always make him feel like he was flying.

For some reason Victor really truly wanted to see him again. Wanted a date. Wanted him a friend at least, probably more. Yuuri knew he had to make the decision to commit to this, or not, because it was unfair to Victor to lead him on. His biggest fear was that Victor would get sick of his antics and give up on him. However, Yuuri had already acted strangely around him several times, and Victor hadn’t seemed to mind. True the small moments he had were only the tip of the iceberg, but maybe Victor would be willing to work with him like Phichit did. Maybe this time, instead of pulling away, he could hold onto something nice. All he had to do was call back.

The idea of calling caused his chest to lock up again. Ok, maybe not call. Better not to push too far out of his boundaries. A text sounded like a good idea. Texting could be controlled better than a call. He opened up his contacts and chose the texting icon next to Victor’s name. What should he say?

 

**To: Victor (2:56 pm)**

Hi Victor! ~~Sorry I missed your call.~~ I was about to head to the rink to test out music. Would you like to join me?

**To: Victor (2:57 pm)**

I have a playlist of songs for SP consideration, but I’m also going to bring some silly music for fun. Maybe you could bring some music too and we could just mess around and skate together?

 

Yuuri hesitated over the send button for what felt like an eternity before he pushed it, then threw his phone to the other side of the bed so he couldn’t take it back. He finished packing his bag, went to the restroom, put his shoes and jacket on, and disconnected his i-pod waiting for the response. Maybe he had taken too long to respond. Maybe Victor didn’t want to skate with him. Maybe this whole thing was a terrible idea and…

The phone buzzed and Yuuri dove onto the bed to get it.

 

**To: me (3:12 pm)**

“Sounds great - I will meet you there in fifteen minutes! Dinner afterward? Anything but the Cafe!”

 

He hadn’t taken too long. Victor did want to skate with him. This was a fantastic idea. Everything would be ok. Deep breaths.

 

**To: Victor (3:14 pm)**

Do you like Thai food?

**To: me (3:14 pm)**

I’ve never had it! I love new things though!

**To: Victor (3:15 pm)**

There is a place Phichit swears by, and I think it’s really good. We can go there.

**To: me (3:15 pm)**

Great!

**To: Victor (3:16 pm)**

I’ll be at the backdoor of the gym at 3:30.

 

When Yuuri approached the rink he saw Victor standing outside the back door, looking immaculate as ever. Like he was about to do a photoshoot for college students who happened to wear Italian loafers and fitted wool coats. Perhaps it was the ease with which he stood, untroubled by the cold or the fact that he was alone. There was a air of confidence about him, like he knew why he was standing there and everything would be fine. Yuuri was certain he never looked that sure of himself when standing alone in a dank gymnasium hallway.

Yuuri understood that he had qualities that Victor would find attractive. He was not surprised someone liked him. He had been complemented and flirted with by fans and customers of all genders and ages - it was part of working customer service and being a part of a public performance sport. Where Yuuri started to falter was in wondering if Victor would still prefer him over the other students in their school. Surely he would join the skating club and meet Chris, or Mila would be in one of his math classes. Maybe he would miraculously be the one to attract one of the Crispino’s. If anyone could do it Yuuri imagined it would somehow be Victor with his beauty and his charm. When Victor realized there were equally attractive people who were also neurotypical and less of a hassle to date would he change his mind? Victor wanted to date him now but he didn’t even know the extent of Yuuri’s difficulties. His steps slowed causing his shoe to scuff against the linoleum of the hallway and pull Victor’s attention. The way Victor beamed when he spotted Yuuri did a lot to quiet the louder parts of his mind. The darkest parts kept whispering a steady undercurrent of doubt and worry.

“Yuuri! Why did we meet at the back door? Is that standard procedure? Are we not allowed to use the front? I wanted to see your trophies again! Someday you have to tell me about each performance and what inspired you. Where do you get your costumes? What brand of skates do you wear? If you don’t practice with the club how do you get feedback on your choreography? Oooh is it special that you are letting me watch you skate!? Yuuri, are you ok?”

Yuuri knew somehow that he had stopped walking, had frozen solid and was not moving. He could see himself halted mid-stride with his face twisted into a look of shock. His thoughts were swirling with Victor’s myriad of questions but he couldn’t bring himself to focus on any one. Each question had it’s own story, it’s own excuses, it’s own implications. Each answer was a potential embarrassment that could show Victor how strange he really was. _Why did he think he could do this?_

The floor tile that Yuuri was focusing on began to blur, then blacked out entirely. It took a moment to realize that it wasn’t because Yuuri had blacked out, but because Victor was standing in front of him, and his black coat filled his vision. Through the fog of thoughts he heard familiar words.

“Yuuri - tell me what you are thinking about right now!”

The accent was wrong, smooth Russian instead of reedy Thai, but the words broke through the loop of unwanted thoughts. Automatically Yuuri reached out to grab Victors coat, the rough texture of the wool between his fingers grounding him in reality. He took a deep breath in through his nose and held it. He smelled the familiar scent of cheap floor wax and mildew from his school’s hallway, mixed with wet wool and a fresh perfume that reminded him of first snow that must be Victor’s own scent. Closing his eyes he attempted to hear the sounds close to him. Victor’s breathing, the running of a storm drain emptying water from the roof, a horn honking out on the street in traffic - anything but his own thoughts. Lastly he released the breath he had been holding and looked at one of the buttons on Victor’s coat, taking in the details about it. The shape, color, material. Slowly he extended his awareness to his own hands holding victors coat, to Victor's hands holding his wrists, to Victor’s wide shoulders directly in front of him. Since the other man was taller Yuuri had to tilt his head back to see his face. Victors lips were pursed, with little spider lines at the edges of them. His skin was pale, like he had seen a ghost. Worst of all his eyes were swirling with concern and distress. Surprisingly it was this more than anything that brought Yuuri back to the surface. He wanted Victor’s eyes to be bright and happy, not dark and distressed. With a few more deep breaths Yuuri managed to choke out some words.

“I’m fine now, thank you - how did you know to ask me that?”

“Phichit told me. He said anytime you stare out at nothing and don’t move I should ask you what you are thinking. You still haven’t answered me. What were you thinking about that had you looking so scared?”

Yuuri had to tell him. If he was going to spending time with this sweet, caring, thoughtful person he had to tell him everything. It wasn’t fair not to.

“Let’s go inside and I will tell you. I would rather be on the ice then in this hallway.”

The routine of unlocking the back door, switching on the lights, booting up the soundsystem and lacing his skates further calmed him. He showed Victor each step so the other man could come here on his own if he needed to. “There are very few of us who know the code to these doors or the sound booth, so please do not take advantage or tell anyone else.”

During this process he answered some of Victor’s questions.

“I come in through the back door because often there are usually students gathered on the steps of the gym. I try to avoid large groups of people because I don’t know who to look at, or say hi to, or make conversation with. So I avoid the front steps entirely.” Victor didn’t respond, but Yuuri caught a nod out of the corner of his eye, so he continued.

“My skates are Jacksons because their foam lining bothers me the least. Every year I am offered a free pair of Riedell’s for winning the gold here, and every year I have to turn them down because I swear I can feel their stitching poking at me and it makes me want to rip the skates off my feet after a few minutes. Their marketing department doesn't like me very much. The same with the costumes. Technically the schools design students are tasked with designing and creating our costumes based on our themes. They deliver us the costumes and we are supposed to just thank them. I always reduce at least one student a year to tears because I ask for about fifty changes until it is exactly what I need, and lined so no stitching is touching my skin. The only good part of having to work with me is that they are guaranteed an A at the end of the semester if I am happy. Hand me your music and we will warm up together. If I don’t get my skates on the ice I might cry.”

Victor blinked at the rapid change of topic, but handed over his i-pod and selected the warm-up playlist. Yuuri scrolled through quickly and hummed his approval at the mix of ethnic music. Italian aria’s, Spanish guitar, African drums, Irish strings. As they skated circles next to each other to warm up their muscles Yuuri finally broached the subject of their peers.

“So, you’ve already met with the _ever so important_ Figure Skating Club. How was that?”

Victor was surprised at the obvious derision in Yuuri’s tone. How could someone so lovely be so cold to his fellow skaters?

“Yes, I attended their end of the year meeting. Only the main cabinet members were there though. JJ, Christophe, the other Yuri, umm the person he sat on, and the secretary, who I also don’t remember, but had just been through a bad break-up?”

“Otabek would be the personal chair, and Georgi is the Secretary with the difficult ex. This one’s name was Anya, and he thought they were going to get married and buy a house and have three kids and a dog. She’s also a skater and wasn’t about to give up her future for him. I don’t blame her. I seem to be the only one though since everyone else is firmly team poor Georgi.”

Now Victor was confused. “How do you know all that if you never speak to them or go to the meetings?”

“Phichit keeps me up to date on gossip for the whole school. Thanks to him I know things I don’t want to know about students I will never even meet. He also tells me everything that happens at the meetings, submits my votes on club business via proxy, and records everyone’s skating so I can give him tips to tell them next week. Sometimes I even have him send them texts or email or whatever immediately if it’s something I don’t think can wait a week, like when Plisetsky started messing up his triple axel and had no idea why. Kept making the same mistake when practicing over and over. If I hadn’t stepped in and corrected him who knows what it would look like now.”

“But it wasn’t actually you? It was Phichit? So everyone thinks Phichit is helping them?”

“Yea, it’s easier for me that way. It helps him learn and make friends, and it helps me not feel terrible for not being able to be there in person.”

Victor pivoted so he was in front of Yuuri, forcing him to stop. “I don’t understand. What do you mean you _can’t_ be there? What is stopping you?”

Yuuri’s gaze was directed at some spot on the ice far behind Victor. “I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when I was fifteen. As a child everyone simply thought that I was shy, and that I really liked ballet and that I was extremely interested in my studies and reading. When I began to have real trouble socializing in High School I was referred to a counselor then a psychologist then a psychiatrist before I was finally diagnosed. Suddenly everything made sense, but now I was different. I was lesser, even though I hadn’t actually changed. Around sixteen the panic attacks started; they are caused by anxiety, which is caused by having difficulties talking to people, which is caused by my autism. As soon as I turned eighteen I left Japan to move here, where I could skate for free on a mental disabilities scholarship, and where no one knew me. I thought I could start fresh here. Turns out you can’t run away from your own mind. I’m just as much of a mess here as I was there.”

Yuuri began skating again; not far away from Victor, but cutting complex patterns into the ice around him while he spoke.

“A few years ago they changed the diagnoses again, got rid of the words ‘high functioning’ and ‘aspergers’ so now we are all just ‘on the Autism Spectrum’. Still didn’t change who I am, or make me more able to raise my hand in class to answer a question without having a panic attack. So I take my academic classes online and suffer through the group dance classes and generally avoid everyone as much as I can. I see the school therapist once a week during the semester, dump my anxiety medication down the drain, and skate as much as I can to cope.”

Victor was sure he must look like a fish, standing on the ice growing cold with his mouth opening and closing as his mind reeled. Yuuri Katsuki wasn’t an Ice Diva. He was an ambitious and considerate man, determined to fight against himself to achieve what he wanted. Victor was in awe. His eyes tracked Yuuri who was now drawing compulsory figures into the ice,  each pass taking him farther away. Victor felt like with each moment he hesitated he was losing his hold on Yuuri, but he had no idea what to say. He found himself following Phichit’s advice of letting Yuuri know what he was thinking in hopes that it might keep Yuuri close to him.

“Sorry I haven’t said anything, I am trying to take in everything you have told me. I’m sure I have a lot of questions but I don’t know what they are yet. Mostly I’m astounded that you are so much stronger than everyone thinks. I think I understand why people kept telling me you are special, and unique, and that they are lucky to know you. “ He skated closer to Yuuri, who had nearly reached the other end of the rink. “I’m lucky to know you. I would like to continue to get to know you.”

Yuuri nodded shakily, but didn’t look like he was panicking the same way he had in the hallway. After a second he spoke.

“If you aren’t going to skate, can you cue up my music? It’s on my mp3 player next to your i-pod. SP Considerations 2017. Make sure to bring down the remote with you, and a pad of paper and pencil. You're going to be my assistant. It will save me the trouble of having to skate to the side and take notes between songs and we will get to dinner faster.”

Victor could hear the light tremble in Yuuri’s voice, but the man’s face gave nothing away. Victor went off to follow his instructions, letting Yuuri lead the situation. They met up again at the barrier and Yuuri explained what he wanted.

“Play each song in order. I will skate around getting a feel for it. If I don’t like it I’ll wave my right hand for you to move on to the next song. Please write down the song and how long it played. I watched a lot of your performances and you have a great ear for music choices, even if you can’t seem to really connect to them, so I trust your input.  Put a star next to anything you really enjoyed. There is nearly an hour of music, but we should be able to get through it without stopping. Ummm, I think that’s it. Thanks.”

Yuuri skated away while Victor tried to comprehend what he had just said about his skating. He didn’t connect to it? Of course he connected to his pieces. Some of them had been hand crafted with musicians from the academy he skated near. How could he not connect to something he created himself? He hit play on the first song, sulking to himself as he made notes for Yuuri.

The music was nothing like what he had expected from Yuuri. His Freshman performance had been excerpts from Lohengrin that were not often used, but beautiful nonetheless. Victor had come to associate Yuuri with classical music because of that. But this playlist was full of lyrical rock, soulful pop and occasional rap. The theme was clearly something dark and unhappy. Each song was about a person who was lost, out of control, scared. Some of them only played for 10-15 seconds before Yuuri impatiently waved his hand, like he couldn’t stand to hear the music one note longer. Others played to completion, leaving him looking like he wished there was more. Victor marked his favorites with big sloppy stars; songs that Yuuri had looked engrossed in, like he had passed into some other world where nothing existed but the song and the way it made his body move. Watching a fuzzy Youtube video was nothing in comparison to having the man actually in front of him, sweating and panting and fluid and feeling. Victor was sure that none of his own performances had ever looked that enthralling. Maybe Yuuri had a point about him connecting to his music. It was still rude to say it like that.

As the last song faded out there was silence. Yuuri looked up at him, and Victor shrugged. “That’s the last one. Would you like some water?” Yuuri skated over, taking the bottle from Victor and downing the entire thing in one long sexy draught. Victor handed over the notepad and Yuuri hummed over it’s contents.

“You must have really liked ‘Control’. The stars go off the side of the page.”

“The song gave me chills, and I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You looked so tortured, but like the song title you were very in control of your movements. You let the whole song play so you much have liked it as well. What is your theme? This music was all so sad. All those things you told me about, is this program about that? Do you always feel this upset and unhappy?”

Looked up at the lights for a second, before looking back down at the ice. “No, most of the time I don’t think about my emotions much at all. I am too busy thinking about all the things around me, or learning something new, or skating. I really only think about my emotions when someone confronts me on them. Usually that is what upsets me, the fact that everyone seems to think I should _feel_ all the time, and that certain things should make me _feel_ a certain way, and then I get upset when I don’t _feel_ that way and I _can’t_ empathize. Everyone has the same theme senior year. Self. Our programs are supposed to reflect ourselves as performers and people. Most of us have spent four years agonizing over it. My anxiety and my mental health struggles define a large part of who I am, so my short program is going to center on that. This is also the first year we are allowed to use contemporary music in our competitive program, and I have been wanting to skate to some of these songs for years. I will mean letting everyone know that I have a problem, but most of them think I’m crazy anyway so...”

Victor sighed. “They don’t think you are crazy Yuuri. The people I have met either love you, or are jealous of you. JJ and Yuri and Christophe, they kept telling me how you think you are too good to hang out with them. I was so confused because you has seemed very nice to me. I see now that it is actually that you have a hard time speaking to them. They are rather loud and brash and confrontational. If you ever said anything to them about their skating like you said to me, about not connecting, I could see why they might think you were stuck up. That was impolite, even if it is quite true, and I’m still deciding how to punish you for it.”

Yuuri turned red, stuttering out Japanese apologies like he forgot English temporarily. “I’m so sorry! This is why I would be a horrible boyfriend! When I see something I don’t like or think is true I just say it out loud without thinking if it might hurt the other person. I can be really blunt. I run away from people. I get very introverted and can’t stand to be touched some days. I might make you change your clothes ten times before we leave to go somewhere if I think you will draw too much attention to me. Then even after all that I might still decide not to go out at all. I get caught in conversation loops if I think you don’t understand what I am saying. I will talk to you for hours about something really stupid I found on wikipedia and read about all night."

He took a deep breath and continued on, quieter than before. “I can’t talk on the phone, only text. I skate until one AM most nights because I like to have the rink to myself and it’s the only time that isn’t booked and I have trouble sleeping. I cry really easily and can’t explain why I am sad. Sometimes I can’t speak at all, I open my mouth but no words come out. I won’t say good luck to you at competitions because if I open my mouth I might throw up. I won’t go to parties or be any fun on group dates. My last girlfriend left me because I yelled at her for not understanding the importance of keeping her textbooks covered so they stay clean. We were only together for two weeks. I haven’t really dated since then. I’m not worth dating. I’m not a good boyfriend.”

Yuuri finished his speech with his eyes locked on the railing of the barrier. He had picked up his glasses and was turning them around in his fingers, folding and unfolding them constantly as they rotated in his hands. Victor’s heart broke for the man, and he spoke carefully and clearly to make sure he was understood.

“I like to skate early in the morning, right after the ice is cleaned so that I make the first marks on it. I will be happy to bring you coffee when I am done so you can sleep in after your late night sessions. I need to be told the truth harshly, because I was coddled as a prodigy in Russia and was surrounded by people who told me I was perfect, when clearly I am not. I love listening to you speak, even if it is about the rare silks of China and the types of worms that make them and their feeding habits. Your eyes glow and your whole face lights up when you are interested in a subject, and I could watch you for hours happily. I happen to be known for my patience during arguments. They bore me and I would rather move on with my life to happier times, so I either give the person what they want or stay silent while they vent their frustrations and eventually run out of steam. I do enjoy parties, but I am happy to go without you if you like, as long as I have lots of pictures and videos of you to show off on my phone. My last boyfriend left me because I kept pushing him to skate even though he didn’t want too, because I can be selfish and self centered sometimes. I am impulsive and overly affectionate in public and have a habit of charming people to get what I want.”

“None of us are perfect Yuuri. But I would like to be imperfect with you, if you will let me. I will be here waiting for your answer.”

Victor knew Yuuri had been listening even though he had been staring at the railing because his head would nod and his eyes would widen in surprise and squint in thought. Right now they were closed, but Victor hoped it was because the other man was thinking and he would wait as long as it took to hear the outcome.

Turns out he wasn’t as patient as he though, and became he restless after a few minutes. He ran up to the soundbooth again and put his music back on, choosing his happy songs playlist. As he passed Yuuri he let him know he was going to skate while Yuuri thought. While he skated he always kept the other man in the corner of his eye, scared that he might leave without talking to him again. The most movement Yuuri made was to sit on the bench and take his skates off, and begin to watch Victor. Once Victor knew he was being watched he threw himself into skating and reveled in the feeling of Yuuri’s eyes on him. The songs were bouncy and cute and lightened the mood in the room considerably. After half an hour Yuuri stood up and grabbed the remote, turning off the music. Victor skated over and was by his side instantly, startling the man a bit with his enthusiasm. Yuuri fiddled a bit with the edges of his jacket, but his voice was steady as he spoke.

“I don’t drink much coffee, but I would really enjoy hot tea every morning. Any flavor really, except passionfruit. And I will probably follow you anywhere if you are wearing that cashmere sweater you were wearing yesterday, just don’t be surprised when I am too busy petting it to know what’s going on around me. And, um, I would really like it if you held my hand when we walk to dinner. I’m really hungry now. Please.”

Yuuri looked up at Victor from under his lashes and Victor reached over the barrier and pulled him into a tight hug. They stayed that way until Yuuri began to twitch, and then they went to discover if Victor liked Thai food.

The food was was vkusno, and they made sure to eat there at least once a week after that. Victor bought Yuuri several cashmere sweaters for Christmas, and they shared their first kiss on New Years.

It was going to be a great senior year.

 

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter ended up way longer than I planned because I just kept adding stuff to it. There is a lot of dialogue, but communication is super important in any and all relationships, moreso when disabilities are involved. 
> 
> *New authors note: Some people have mentioned that maybe they communicate TOO well in this chapter, and you are probably right. However; I envision them being mature and responsible and open as people in this universe. This is reminiscent of conversations I have had with several of my friends. The way I see it, this is not the first time Yuuri is doing this - he has been working with both Phichit and his mental health counselor (who we will meet in the sequel) for several years now. Not to mention he has been constantly thinking these things, imagining himself saying them to Victor, since the second day. I am not sure how to make that more clear, but thoughts circle and cycle and repeat all day long in the back of your mind until you are ready to scream and you blurt them out. I will work on explaining better in the next bit. 
> 
> Here is Yuuri's Sp considerations 2017 playlist.
> 
> Legacy - Eminem  
> Chasing Pavement’s- Adele  
> Creep - Radiohead  
> Human - Christina Perri  
> We’re all Different - W.A.D.  
> Migraine - 21 pilots  
> Live like a warrior - matisyahu  
> Hopeless Opus - imagine Dragons  
> Control - Halsey  
> Lost that easy - cold war kids  
> Mononokay - sorority noise  
> Dying to live - smallpools  
> Push - matchbox 20  
> Pieces - sum 41  
> Paint it black - rolling stones  
> Rock Bottom - Hailee Steinfeld  
> So cold - Breaking Benjamin


	5. Sequel Announcement and Feedback!

This is to announce that in honor of Autism Awareness Month I am going to focus my fic efforts on the sequel to this fic!. The running title is I Will Be Right Here: Senior Year

I already have some ideas on what I want to include. It will be the same mix of comedy and pretty serious material. I will have super sappy and in love Victuuri. It will have skating!

I want to show Yuuri having to go through a highly stressful school year and all the different coping mechanisms and support systems he needs to reach his goals. Because it is higher stress there will be breakdowns and meltdowns and miscommunications, but the main idea is that his support system does not give up on him. 

The general Idea is for senior year Victor pushes Yuuri out of his comfort zone and helps him socialize more, with the idea that he will be there to comfort him when things get awkward. Along with the hilarious skate club antics and skating competition. 

The school and cafe were just a joke setting when I started, so they are fuzzy and silly and fake. I would need to make the school real, and all the characters would need to be flushed out and there would need to be a plot beyond "Look at Yuuri struggle to flirt". If there is anything you would like to see, or a situation you would like me to put in let me know.

Thanks for reading! Rec this to your friends who might be interested, and feel free to share it with other Autistic/Anxiety groups if you want. I would love more feedback on how to make it more realistic. I never even gave Yuuri a full panic attack lol.

I would love to know what you guys are interested in reading though. Please leave your thoughts, wishes, headcannons, pairings etc below! It doesn't have to revolve around the autism, it can even be something silly about their school or the cafe. What do you want to know more about? I would love to hear what is in your heads.

Thanks! Tell your friends!

Come see me on tumblr https://artdefines06.tumblr.com/

Or, if you don't like tumblr, try twitter https://twitter.com/artdefines06 ( I barely use it, but for you I will!)


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